Trail Humor

[SaddleUpGang]

Does anyone have a funny story or two to share about trail riding experiences? If the weather is too cold to spend time in the saddle, at least we can remember the good times with a smile and look forward to adding to them in the upcoming riding season.

One of my funniest tales involved a trail ride with a good friend, when my horse encountered a purple, hoss eating dragon, or so he thought. We were riding some trails at a multi-use park and a group of folks was having a gathering that included a lot of whooping and laughing children who were jumping in one of those moon-walk, bouncy apparatuses that happened to look like a purple dragon.

My gelding did not like the looks of that thing at all. The kids were jumping all around inside of that dragon's belly, which caused his head to dip up and down. All my horse knew was that that dragon had just whetted his appetite with a children appetizer and that it was soon going to have a hankering for horse meat. I could tell that my horse was going to blow, based on his snorting/blowing and tensed muscles. While trying to coax him past this mythical monstrosity, I braced my right leg anticipating a big spook leap to the left.

With ears hard pricked forward and nostrils quivering, my horse took a few tentative steps forward, trusting my guidance. Unbeknownst to us, another happened to quietly round the bend in the trail about 30 feet away. That's all it took. A million years of instinct kicked in and my horse made a collosal leap to the right......not the left. All I knew is that one second I had a horse under my butt and the next I was literally hanging in the air. I know I stalled in the air a good two seconds before I started to fall. And fall, Idid. I hit the ground on my hinder and every single vertabrae in my back, from my tailbone to my neck, popped. At this same instant, the shirt I was wearing popped open (never wear a velcro fastened shirt) and the "girls" were free!

Now, of course after coming off a horse with such a hard dismount, I was in la-la land for a bit. My friend had to tell me this part of the story because I was gazing at the stars and listening to the tweeting birdies in my head. She said that the guy who rounded the bend of the trail and caused my horse to kick in his rockets, got off his horse to rush to my aid. However, he was somewhat stymied with what to do considering my......ahem.....somewhat unclothed presence. Apparently, he would kneal down to assist, look up at my friend, and rise from the ground. He did this several times, not knowing what to do.

After a few moments, the stars faded to daylight and the birdies flew off. I opened my eyes and saw a handsome cowboy leaning over me and then I felt a breeze. I gazed down and saw that the girls had left the barn and all I wanted to do was crawl under a rock. Gathering what dignity I could as I quickly corralled the fillies, I got to my feet and walked the few feet over to get my horse, who by this time, realized the dragon must have had his appetite satiated with the children and had lost its appetite for horse steak. I mumbled an embarrassed thank you to the cowboy and mounted my horse and continued the day's ride.

I have often wondered if that cowboy has told and re-told this story to his friends while sitting around a campfire or during the cold, wintry months.

[TJ Cool]

Well, I certainly won't claim to top that! That was hilarious and very well-written!
I do have two mildly amusing stories however. They both involve a young little solid bay Quarter gelding we had named Shadow. When he was 2 or 3, we moved to South Carolina. That property had a large open pasture and a separate wooded area that led downhill to a large pond. One day, I was loping him in a circle around a grove of trees and noticed approaching me was a branch that hung way over in an arch away from the trees and I saw a space to go under the "arch." As I got closer, I noticed another small part of the branch had broken off and about 2" of fresh wood was sticking straight down at the point I was going to go under. Underestimating our collective height, I thought I could duck under the stick by leaning in close to his neck. That little stick grabbed the collar of my shirt, scratched all down my back and tore the back of my shirt clean off, while yanking me off his back. As I was trying to catch my breath, and Shadow came up to me looking at me as if to say, "What did you do that for?" my mother saw my shirt torn off and luckily had a windbreaker I could put on. Lesson: The horse usually only judges where he/she will fit.

The second story was also with Shadow, in South Carolina, but on a real trail. I teased my mom that I didn't like him because he was SO dead broke, even as a 2 year old, that he wouldn't know when he should be scared of something. My mother was riding Shadow behind me on our old mare, and as I passed a low lying branch, I put my hand on it to pass it by....except I didn't let go of it in time and it started to bend more and more....before I knew it, I had to let go, and it landed with a loud THWAP! on Shadow, smack dab between the eyes. He didn't flinch one bit, but did seem to be more alert after that, actually looking at his surroundings. His training did prove very handy though later on in the same trail when we crossed a small creek and on the way down into the water, his back foot slid in the mud and he stopped. My mom told me to hold up and asked if I knew why he stopped. I looked back and saw that his foot had apparently slid under a tree root underneath the water line. We stood there and we gradually backed him up a step and he calmly disentangled himself. After that, I didn't really make fun of his dead-headedness.

I'm not sure why we sold him (I think he didn't get as tall as my mom wanted for hunt seat classes), but we know he eventually went out to Idaho to a dude ranch and I hope made a safe mount for some inexperienced riders.

[SaddleUpGang]

Great stories, TJ. I especially enjoyed the story on Shadow. Isn't it neat how some horses even at a young age have good sense to them? I'm sure Shadow made a fine dude ranch horse and was worth his weight in gold.

Another funny story of mine involves a mare I had, who was afraid of everything. We actually nicknamed her "scaredy cat". Once while riding on a country road near home, we stopped so she could go wee. We were actually heading downhill and when the "stream" of urine snaked close by her, she let out a snort and jumped way over to the side. I believe she actually thought it was a snake. I swear, you had to have velcro on your britches to stay in the saddle with her at times.

Are there anymore fun stories out there? I'm sure there must be. Please share them with us so we can all have a bright moment during this cold, drab winter season.